Caffeine Deficiency.

Things that I want to do.

I Propose a Toast.

Saint Valentine. Such a noble soul. He gave peace, and joy to the woman he loved. He conquered her heart, when all seemed grim, and stood by his faith when he knew it would be his end.

However many years later, we have this glorious day, in his honor. A day for lovers to frolic. A day for the hopeless to bring gifts and give rise to clearly torn and unhappy teenage girls walking in class with flattering gifts, showered by choruses of “He’s so thoughtful” and “You’re so lucky.”

This is the day for pitiful adolescents, pointlessly meandering about life, to not only care for nonromantic festivities, like prom or whatever else I list as white noise, but also to pretend other people give a damn, and force unsuspecting girls to go with them.

This is the day for and hollowed and worthless husks/hipsters to complain about how worthless of a day this is.

This is the day single young men and women can awkwardly shuffle about, claiming pride in their current status.

This is the day for the young black nerds to watch reruns of “30 Rock” on his DVR with his dad who may or may not be interested, and earnestly believe, “I’m not the only Liz Lemon.”

So I say, happy Valentine’s day, to all the Liz Lemons out there. May we all one day be a Jack Donaghy among men.

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